Schizotypalism

This is my newest blog. I'm on my third now. Maybe I'll be able to keep this one up. The themes here are mostly mental health and spirituality and the overlap between the two, touching on my usual love of music, art, philosophy, etc. My first post will be about the common thread in all my various spiritual pursuits and how I came to join all the threads of my spirituality and religion under the umbrella of Schizotypalism. Because, no matter what religion I may outwardly practice, that is my faith.

I was diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder. There is a great deal involved with that disorder which I will cover at length in this blog. Suffice it to say, it is part of the reason I am different. They call it a disorder.... and sometimes it really can be. It causes paranoia, social anxiety, things of that nature, things that are very problematic. But it can also cause the sensation of profound enlightenment and awareness. It can lead one to insights that seem to escape the rest of humanity. It can open the third eye.

I am currently studying Hinduism, in particular Saivism. This comes right after Buddhism, which followed Left Hand Path studies, which followed mystical nihilism, which followed Heathenism, and so on and so forth. It seems like and feels like I can't commit to any one system of belief. However, I have committed, deeply. Schizotypalism is what I have committed to. It's not an officially recognized faith. In fact, I just made it up when I started this blog.

Schizotypalism is hard to define. But that's the purpose of this post and the hope that trying to define it will help people to understand me, the disorder and maybe think more about their own spirituality. Schizotypalism has no dogma. It is the most anti-dogmatic faith there is. Because I say so. :) If I made hard and fast rules about what my spirituality could be, it wouldn't be Schizotypalism any longer. So, that's the first point. It must be so flexible that no matter what belief I may hold, from Satanism to Christianity, from atheism to polytheism, it must be a Schizotypalist belief.

The basic core tenet of Schizotypalism is that I seek transcendence. Even in my most atheistic moments, I have sought to experience existence on a higher plane. It's not superhuman, it's more human. The human need to transcend is intrinsic to our experience. That's why there's so many mystical religions. That's why the most anti-religious people in the world still find themselves called to study the most mystical scientific advances in physics, mathematics, biology, etc. That's why there is such demand for art that goes beyond the Die Hard franchise of films.

Transcendence in my viewpoint is not exactly about rising above this world. To me, this world is essentially spiritual. To rise "above" it would be to seek a way beyond the tools we were given to increase our ability for transcendence! It's more that I see transcendence as a way to get more deeply in touch with that fundamental fact of existence's spirituality, its mystical nature. That involves being free from illusions ABOUT this life and this world... but not being free of this life and this world itself. To me, I can meet Siva just as profoundly in my human body as I could in any kind of soul-to-soul astral travel event. The key is to awaken the mind to see through the illusion of the material world that says this is not possible.


I want my soul to burn brightly, like the burning heart of God. It is not enough to simply meditate or worship. I want to be consumed, a blazing flame of love and divinity. I want to live a spiritual life that is so full of fire, it burns up all karma and all illusions and all limitations until my soul knows nothing but Siva. I want everything I do to be a prayer, every thought I have to be a mantra. I am far from this goal. But that is Schizotypalism. And I can find that no matter what the outward belief system may be.

So far, this is not all that different from any other kind of mysticism. But, what makes it Schizotypalism is the fact that I honestly think I wouldn't be here if it were not for my "disorder." Schizotypal PD makes me yearn to directly experience the out of the ordinary and also to think unusual thoughts that most others around me don't even comprehend. I have what are called by psychiatrists "bodily illusions." Those are sensations that allegedly do not exist in the body and are supposedly just produced by a sick mind. But I take those sensations as a sign of my transcendence. Unusual bodily and perceptual experiences are common in the mystical tradition and are usually called mental illness by non-believers. So why, just because I have a psychiatric diagnosis, does that automatically invalidate what I perceive to be mystical experience? I don't think it does.

My disorder is probably what makes it hard for me to keep to just one consistent path. So, all this searching I've done, that's the very foundation of the faith of Schizotypalism. As long as I am heeding the pull of this disorder, I am worshiping in my own church and staying true to my own faith. For, I am sure, if I am called away from a faith but stay with it, it will become dead for me and I will have betrayed my real religion, the religion that takes a mental "illness" as the only certain Scripture.

This is Schizotypalism as I define it and define it I can, since I made it up!